Thursday, January 8, 2009

The End is the Beginning

Well, tonight is our last night in the place we've called home for 6 1/2 years. All week we've been packing, sorting, moving things, and making Waste Management earn their money this week. If I weren't so tired and so busy I'd be sad.

We've lived here longer than any other place in our married life. My kids were 14, 11, and 8 when we arrived. Now they are 20, 17, and almost 14. The oldest is in college. The middle child will go to college next year. It is a severe time of change.

A large number of the happy memories I have here involve activities and people from our church. Now those recollections have a bitter twinge to them as people and circumstances didn't turn out as I hoped. I've been disappointed. Wounded. Disoriented. Angry. Discouraged. Devastated. Worried. Heart-broken. All from people I loved and trusted. Sometimes I wonder if this 6 1/2 year section of our life journey was a failure. What did all the energy and love we poured into this ministry amount to? Yet I am reminded once again, because I need to be reminded quite frequently, that it's not about people's love for me or people's devotion to me. It's about my love for them. And I did genuinely love them. I still do, which is why it hurts so much. Perhaps that, above all things, shows I did what God intended me to do. If love betrayed doesn't hurt, it wasn't really love in the first place. Love hurts. Just ask Jesus.

I don't know what the next stage of our journey is, though I feel it has to do with refocusing on Christ, resting, and renewing my strength in Him. We're moving to a temporary location that is in the proverbial "middle of no-where". (I know this is true because there is no high-speed internet there, only dial-up. I'll be forced to come to grips with my internet addiction. *grin*)
Lessons learned:

1. People will fail you.

2. God won't.

3. What is seen is temporary.

4. What is unseen is eternal.

5. Life isn't about what others can or cannot do for me.

6. Life is about having God's love for people, even when it hurts.

7. My world can be shaken, but not destroyed when my hope is in Christ.

I'll be around the internet some, but won't be posting a picture a day like I wanted to.

I pray God's richest blessings on you all. Happy New Year!

~ Drewe Llyn
(P.S. For those who have no clue what I'm talking about you can find out here.)


Tammie @ Are You For Real? said...

My heart aches for you, my dear friend. I wish you hadn't been thrust into this strange season of life, but I know this ... you are not beyond God's reach, you are not beyond His hearing, your tears have not escaped His attention, your hurt is not beyond His understanding, and your needs are not beyond His ability to meet.

Gayle @ thewestiecrew said...

What Tammie said was perfect. God is making it very obvious that He wants you to draw near, and never does that happen when it isn't accompanied with rich and abundant blessing. Wait for it, my friend.

I'm praying. Ministry is HARD. Been there and been hurt badly by it, but I wouldn't change it now. It truly was the best thing for me (5 years later).

Much love.

Penney Douglas said...


I just listened to you at Cindy Rushton's expo. I missed the very beginning and didn't realize that all this is so fresh, as in happening right now. My family went through a storm that took our house from us and thrust us out of our home state into a whole new life. We are still recovering, but we are really better off than we were before in so many ways - spiritually, financially, emotionally, etc.

Thank you for sharing. I can't believe you can already talk about it, while it's still going on. I couldn't do that. I couldn't figure out if we were wrong or right for quite a while.

I will pray for you and your family.


M. Nole said...

You are an amazing writer, and I don't yet understand what you've been through (I'll have to read more to get that part). I do know that you have incredible things to say about God. Thank you for blogging - it really helped me today!

"the other Mair"

Anonymous said...

Your blog is an inspiration to me. I have just started writing a book that I have know I was to write for several years now. You are gifted at writing and expressing yourself, I hope that you never loose site of how much God is using that to His glory! I just said a little prayer for you that God would make his footprints very clear in the path you are to follow. Blessings, Abigail Blazek